So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
