Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize