Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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