it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
