Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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