Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
