please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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