I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
