if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
