Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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