i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
time to smoke my breakfast
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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