He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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