and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
