And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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