You work out of a Hotel?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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