So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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