is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
