If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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