It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
