No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
