Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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