So drunk its hurt
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
