textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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