My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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