if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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