After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
