You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
