that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
