update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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