She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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