My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
