hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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