That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
