If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
