There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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