Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Enjoy the penises
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
