he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
