i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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