I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
