dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
