I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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