I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
