i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
