I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
