I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
