): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize