Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
