That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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