Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Never underestimate the power of titties
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