So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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