Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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