I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
