he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
