Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
