I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think I am morally bankrupt
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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