Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize