Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
