I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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