we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The air taste purple.
Randomize
