i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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