I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
