Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My balls are so social today.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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