Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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