She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
