I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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