Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
