if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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