I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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