Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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