I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
