so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
